LOCAL BODY ELECTIONS 2022
Jenn (Slime) Shulzitski
Otago Regional Council
Slime the Nitrate Monster
Which communities will you speak for and about at the council table?
When I am elected for the Otago Regional Council, I will stand for money at all costs. I will protect our irrigation companies, our fertilizer industry, our coal mines, our industrial dairy farmers, and our corporate profits. Our air, land, and water exist to make money. This is the only way for me - Slime the Nitrate Monster - to dominate all of the waterways and to choke out all life, in order to benefit my personal growth and freedom.
What is the number one social and economic issue for the community and for the city? (DCC question). What is the key issue for the region at this time and for the next 10 years? (ORC question)
Maximizing land, air, and water use is the key issue for Otago. As Slime the Nitrate Monster, I see an endless expanse of green grass, from mountain peak to ocean shore. If a drop of river water reaches the sea, it is a waste! We must expand the use of synthetic nitrogen fertilizer to grow more grass to feed more cows to irrigate more land to dry out more rivers to burn more coal to make more milk powder to grow more glorious green slime in our rivers and lakes.
In the next ten years, I see more people drinking water from tanker trucks hauled into Otago treated with chlorine, because my slimy domination is toxic to you, weak humans! Sure, there may be premature births, dead dogs, and increased rates of cancer, but this is a small price to pay for money.
How will you elevate community aspirations? How will you know what they are? (DCC question only)
Under the Local Government Act 2002, councils are required to maintain and improve opportunities for Māori to contribute to local government decision-making processes. How will you honour this obligation in your role with the Dunedin City Council/Otago Regional Council?
As Slime the Nitrate Monster, I refuse to name the First Water Protectors, who lived for generations without toxic algae blooms. I shudder at the thought. The taniwha have always dominated the waterways, and they frighten me, but I am in charge now. I am disturbed by the ideas in Te Mana o Te Wai, that water is the essence of ALL life, the blood of Papatūānuku, and that rivers and lakes have the right to exist above the economy and money. This makes me sick in my slimy green body. I am afraid of the consequences. These types of caring and balanced ideas could suck my life force. Vote Slime!
What is your usual approach to achieving collegial and constructive relationships with the people you work with? What is the most important element of a constructive working relationship?
My colleagues are the current ORC councillors and industry CEOs who allow slime to cover Otago's rivers and lakes. I have much gratitude for Ravensdown and Balance, who are the sources for my power – synthetic nitrogen fertilizer. I also want to thank the ratepayers who subsidize the dairy industry and my expansion (you suckers!). Money and domination are our motivations.
My mission is not to create constructive working relationships. To achieve the industry's goals on the Otago Regional Council, we must not use our conscience for the public good. Algae does not have a heart nor a soul, so I am a perfect candidate for the job. I understand money, and I understand that our dramatic increase in the use of synthetic nitrogen fertilizers has allowed more cow urine, more slime, and more money to flow our way! Not your way, but our way. You pay the costs, you subsidize the dairy industry, you pay for the drinking water tankers treated with chlorine. But we reap the rewards. Thank you! Vote Slime!
The DCC's place-based community fund has been a game changer for community-led development and growing connected and resilient communities in Ōtepoti. What more will you do as a councillor to support community development in the city? (DCC candidate question only)
Contact
I'm always looking for new and exciting opportunities. Let's connect.
123-456-7890
